couples

NewlyWednesday: Kyle & Nataley

This week you get to hear from yours truly - N

10 Things I've Learned Since I Got Married

1. It's only going to get harder if you make it hard

I was told several times that the first few years of marriage were the hardest. I do understand why people say that---you start living with a man ha jk-- It is an adjustment for sure but wasn't that hard to do especially when coming off a wedding bliss high. For me, there were and still are plenty of times that I make situations and conversations way harder than they need to be. These 'hard' times are almost 100% caused by our own selfishness getting in the way. When I think about Kyle's feelings and try and figure out what is going on in his brain---which sometimes I never do figure it out---I'm able to take a breath (say a prayer) and make a potential argument diffuse into a constructive conversation.


2. Figure out each other's love language

We are still in the process of defining our primary love languages but we have a pretty good idea. I've touched on the languages in a past post here. You need to know how your spouse most effectively feels love so that you can communicate it to them. I've learned that Kyle needs quality time together even if that means watching a movie together or spending that hour before bed to unwind together. This has been hard for me because my family is very intentional about family time and conversation. If we are together, we are talking pretty much constantly. I didn't even notice we did this until I started spending time with Kyle and his family watching movies or just being a little less talkative. I have been trying to put down my crochet hook or computer when this time is available and learn a new love language.


3. Intentionally be happy

I'm the queen of bad days and I've just recently made a realization that isn't a 'thing' Yes, things might not be going the exact way you planned but being in a bad mood will most definitely transfer to your spouse and can ruin a perfectly good time together---it only takes one person. 


4. Be supportive

I know this has been touched on by a lot of the girls but it is very important. There are several different ways to be supportive---talking highly of your spouse in and out of their presence, helping them achieve goals on small or large scales, intentionally learn about their interests, and be there at the end of the day regardless of the outcome. If there is a problem, it may not be best to try and figure out how to fix it--your spouse may just need your support to help carry them to find their own answer.


5. Play to your strengths and situations

When I say this I'm thinking of how Kyle is doing full time school and working close to full time hours. This is A LOT and he is doing it to better our future. So, that means I can get off my lazy behind and keep up the house and be in charge of the bills along with other things. Being in charge of the bills would naturally be one of Kyle's strengths but due to our current situation I took them over. I think strengths evolve with situations so it helps to be in constant communication about your roles.

6. Don't compare your relationship to others!

I think all of the girls have touched on this and I'm glad they did---it shows that we ALL struggle with this. I am very passionate about this point because I think our age group who are seriously dating, engaged and newly married have been influenced in several ways by the internet. With Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, blogs galore, the world is full of photos and status' to see and be envious of. Sometimes I don't even notice that I'm comparing or falling into envy until later it will trigger a feeling of discontentment or unhappiness in my marriage. Things can look pretty perfect in cyber space but don't be fooled! Everyone has situations that are less than perfect and I don't think "having it all together" really exists. I don't have an answer to this struggle but I have been trying to cut back on my social media usage along with altering my mind set and I've noticed a difference even in how I act with my hubby--primarily because I spend more quality time with him rather than my internet!


7. Be submissive

This is a hot topic because to a lot of the world the word submit has taken on a derogatory meaning. In the bible, to submit to your husband can be another opportunity to worship the Lord. 

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. -Ephesians 5:22-24

I'm not saying it's easy but joy and love come from being submissive to your husband. I've also noticed his respect for me only continues to grow when this happens.


8. Continually learn about each other

We all change and grow and have experiences that teach us things. I know I've changed since last week! How awesome is it to share these new things with your spouse. Which also means being open and aware of times to share these things. Take these new interests and fun ideas to your spouse first and keep some of them just between each other. I've witnessed many times when gals share every detail of their lives with a close girl friend or parent and their husbands get left out. I know both Kyle and I appreciate when we come to each other first and get to share in a special time together.


9. Take vacations

Life can get crazy and tiring---go on a vacation! I don't mean spend $3,000 going to Hawaii for a full week--unless you can because Hawaii is definitely on our bucket list. But going somewhere other than your house can give your marriage and life some rejuvenation. Don't take your computer, use your phone only when you need it and just be together. My parents always made sure we went on some sort of vacation as a family every year and I want to continue the tradition because I think it is important to have that time to create memories and learn new things about each other.


10. Don't be afraid to be goofy

Don't be self conscious with one another. No offense, but chances are you are both big dorks. Marriage is this awesome thing that allows you to be completely yourself with the love of your life-- have fun! If that means jamming out to the Pitch Perfect soundtrack or busting out in a wrestling match in your living room--so be it! (Is that weird?) 


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I hope and pray these points about marriage do not overwhelm anyone but instead be a reminder that these things don't come naturally to everyone. Marriage takes effort and there is no perfect marriage model--we are all different people with unique personalities!

Love you guys

-N






Nat's Valentine's Dress & Date Ideas

 I know Jordan posted her Valentines Day dress and date ideas last week---per usual I'm a little behind but I've been thinking a lot about what Kyle and I are going to do and of course what I want to wear!
Here are some pretty little dresses I found that won't break the bank!



                     
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Kyle and I are trying to save some moolah but that doesn't mean we don't want to have a good time and spoil each other in less expensive ways.
This Valentine's day we want to go to dinner but not somewhere super fancy but nice enough that I can get pretty for my man.
As you know we recently moved and although our address is still Tulsa we are surrounded by Broken Arrow. Last weekend I strolled down main street BA which they are building up as the Rose District. It is super cute and it's exciting that it is being developed. There are a couple restaurants that look like they fit our style---smaller more casual, yet intimate.
I recommend exploring your town to find new places you've never been before! Even if it doesn't go as planned it will probably be a story for the books!

As for a possible gift idea, we already established we weren't going to spend any money on each other so I've been thinking of some sort of tradition or keepsake that we can add to each year.

1. Create a Bucket List together

2. Make a back drop and take a picture in front of it each year with something significant at that time of your life as a prop

3. Year of dates: put together date night ideas/kit envelops to use every month of the year

4. Come up with 1 year goals, 5 year goals and 10 year goals for your marriage and life--you can set Valentines day as the time to review

5. Start a journal you can write love letters to each other in

6. Find something from your Valentines date night to keep and then display it some where you can add to it each year. Ex: Press or dry the flowers your man gave you and start a shadow box of Valentines Days.

7. Start a tradition to make a drawing you each add to--I know this would be artwork to remember with Kyle's artistic ability hehe

I'm excited to get some of these things started for our marriage/relationship. They each will only bring memories and growth in the process. Also, I know I sometimes feel like since I haven't started any of these the first year of our marriage that I missed out and might has well not start now----I've got to get that thought out of my mind! These are great things to start at any point in a relationship!

I hope these dresses and dates might spark an idea for you and your man!

-N




The 5 Love Languages

After these busy days, I have been taking some time in this book---The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.


It has been a top recommendation for any married person to read because it defines and discusses the 5 ways people feel and express love.

I'm only about half way through so I'm not going to go in much detail but I'll list the 5 languages to maybe spark your interest---these languages are applicable to everyone in any relationship. Once we learn our language and our loved ones languages, we can grow deeper and closer.

Love Language 1: Words of Affirmation

Love Language 2: Quality TIme

Love Language 3: Receiving Gifts

Love Language 4: Acts of Service

Love Language 5: Physical Touch

Love is many things---a lot of the time it is a choice we each make especially when the "fireworks" have lost some of their spark. I'm choosing to try and learn Kyle's primary love language so he can feel and experience my love toward him in the most effective and rewarding way.

I believe this book makes A LOT of sense and I'm excited to learn to love my man better---Kyle and I are a year and 8 months into marriage and I think this is a part of marriage that needs to be worked on continuously. 

Marriage, friendships, family---it applies to all so I definitely recommend this one!

-N

Valentine's Day Photo Sessions

I'm headed to Tulsa this weekend for round one of my Valentine's Day photo sessions, and I'm so excited! 


Valentine's Day brings out the cheeseball in me, and I wanted to figure out a way to differentiate these sessions from my other couples sessions.  So I'm bringing a few props along! I won't force them upon any of my couples--we'll probably still do mostly natural, candid photos--but, in the spirit of being silly in love, these will be available for use!


I was planning on sewing a little heart pillow, but this one found me in Target.

I am crafting up a couple of the props, though, including this:


A giant crepe paper flower! :) I looked up several tutorials, and this one was my favorite.  I'm a fan of how it's turning out! 


If you're interested in getting photos done with your love this weekend or next, I have a couple of spots left! Contact me at jordan@newlywifedphoto.com. :)

Love love love,

-J