Wildflower Fields Forever

It's time for me to take a break, friends. I feel funny even writing this because it means it's a big-ish deal, and the fact that social media has become a significant part of my daily life just feels wrong in this season. But, I've been considering this little hiatus for some time and then I started THIS PROGRAM and in the three weeks since my need to unplug has grown. 

Because in this stage of my healing and growing process, I'm facing myself. And if I were to watch myself from across the room, to follow myself through my daily routine, I would find myself shaking my head every time I saw my eyes glaze over as I used every hands-free moment to reach for my phone and scroll through Instagram. "My child is playing by herself--I should use these ten minutes to catch up on the outside world." I've been telling myself this for quite some time, and now I'm questioning what it really means and what it does for me. Am I actually connecting with anyone during the average scroll through my newsfeed? Or am I usually just stumbling upon new, depressing headlines that spark new, unnecessary worries and then wading through pretty photos of people who appear much less anxious than I am on the average day? 

I'm looking forward to finding out what my marriage and my motherhood can look like when I'm truly just spending my day in my own living room with my people and not virtually at the beach or the ice cream shop or the grocery store or the farmers market or the bathtub with so many other beautiful families I've never actually met. What does my life look like when it isn't stacked up against a stranger's? 

In the past few weeks I've realized that, although I love writing and blogging and sometimes it truly does help me to feel connected, using my daughter's nap time every day to pressure myself to post something (usually while scrolling through Instagram and Facebook as my photos load) is leaving me feeling the opposite of rested. I am an introvert to my very core, and spending my one break of the day connecting to hundreds of people I don't even really know by sharing my photos and viewing theirs is not filling me up at this point. I've been grasping for all of your hands through my computer screen and mistaking it for alone time. But the past few weeks I've been spending her nap meditating and practicing yoga for the program I mentioned above (which is why I didn't post last week--the combined almost hour of meditation plus yoga didn't leave me any time before she woke up), and I am feeling SO much calmer. I feel like I have much more to give to myself and to my family, and I want to explore that. 

So, I'm taking a summer vacation. I'm not setting any strict rules for myself--I will probably check messenger occasionally for business reasons and maybe post Edie's month updates because I like to keep those in the same place for myself for the future, but I don't intend to post on here daily for the next little bit. I'm going to see what it's like to live without wondering what it will look like in photos on my blog, I'm going to read more books, I'm going to do more yoga and just drink in my child discovering the world instead of trying to capture the perfect picture of it for Instagram.

I hope you have the sweetest summer, friends. See you soon.