The Men in My Marriage


I am nearing 25 years old, and I talk to my father on the phone every day.  Some days he has a real reason to call--most days it's just to say hi.  If he hasn't called by a certain time, I usually call him--just to say hi.  Is this weird? Probably. But my dad and I are really close, and we genuinely care how the other is doing.  He doesn't have to ask what's new when we visit Tulsa--he's talked to me every day since our last trip. He's probably visited at least once, too, like he did today when he showed up on his Harley to take me to lunch.

My dad and I weren't always this close.  I was a daddy's girl growing up, for sure, but when I hit high school, I didn't really want anything to do with him.  I didn't know my place in my parents' failing marriage, but at some point I decided it wasn't on his side.  Thankfully the Lord restored our relationship when I hit college, and my dad became the main man in my life. 

I never thought of our relationship as anything but a blessing until Daniel and I got engaged.  Shortly before the wedding, we were out shopping and my dad called.  After talking to him for a little bit as Daniel and I wandered the aisles, I said our regular, "Okay, bye, love you. Love you. Okay. Love you, bye," and hung up.  Two minutes later, he called back because he had forgotten to tell me something.  Daniel rolled his eyes as I answered and listened to another story.  After I hung up the second time, he asked something like, "Is it going to be like this when we're married? Are you always going to have two men in your life?"

Now, eight months into marriage, I can see where Daniel was coming from.  I'd be lying if I said I haven't struggled to trust Daniel's opinion above my dad's when I've spent my whole life looking to my father for guidance.  I have.  I didn't realize how often I say, "My dad said..." until we got married.


It's been a transition, but I've learned to let it go to voicemail if Daniel and I are having a good conversation or out on a date when my dad calls.  We now generally talk on the phone during the day, when Daniel's at work, instead of during our few precious hours together in the evenings. And I'm learning the importance of building Daniel up in front of my family, when he's there and when he's not, to show I'm on his team above all others.  He's my main family now, and although I hope to always be close to my father and to make him proud, I hope to be pleasing and loyal to my husband even more.

-J