Big Girl Room: Before

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We are hard at work trying to transform this space into the room of my oldest daughter’s dreams. She is turning four this week and has never had a room of her own—we’ve bedshared from the get go, had an intentional playspace for her since she was a young toddler, and I’ve tried to really tune in to her readiness for her own bed and door to close. Just recently she’s been expressing interest, although she usually follows it up with, “And you will sleep in my room with me! And Dada! And sister!” So obviously we aren’t expecting it to be a cold turkey transition away from the family bed idea. But, we are all excited to make a room she can escape away to for projects she doesn’t want her sister’s hands in, quiet time with her favorite books, and creating all kinds of magical worlds from her incredible imagination. I have so many mixed emotions about moving her to her own bed and just the fact that she is turning four in general, which feels like a really major age to me. But more than anything else, I want to give her this space to grow and learn and find herself, and I can’t wait to help her decorate it. But first my husband is painting those existing pink and gray walls a pretty blue, because our girl’s favorite color from the beginning doesn’t seem to be going anywhere :) It’s going to be a special week in our house!

Life Lately

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Life lately is too full for words, but my oldest put it pretty beautifully. “Mama, I love our homeschool!” She told me a couple of days ago. We are in the middle of C week, which isn’t quite as intense as B week (EVERYTHING starts with B! Seriously—I had too many ideas for five short days), but still so wonderful. Yesterday we rolled beeswax candles, and Edie just sat and watched the flames flicker after we lit the first two, feeling proud of her work. She is really thriving in our slower rhythm in this season, and I feel so fortunate to learn from her every day.

Our baby turned 16 months yesterday, and her big sister will be four next week. How, I’m not sure, but I’m soaking in every second. Four feels like the end of toddlerhood, the age she can call herself a “big kid.” My teeny tiny baby who stayed teeny tiny for so long—I really can’t believe it. <3

Living the Dream

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I really, really am. For too long I was afraid to admit my greatest dream was to be a mother, to lie down on the floor and allow my young children to climb all over me, to perfect silly voices for favorite book characters and spend hours every day with a baby on my hip, dancing with my older child to the same song seven times in a row. As I look around at the state of society and the average disappointed adult, I know how incredibly blessed I am to be living the very life I longed for as a young child.

Am I terrified of the world and what’s to come? Oh, most definitely. I look at my little girls and weep at the many possibilities of pain they may experience. Am I confused on where my voice fits in as a feminist mother who has been told, “It’s a shame, you could have been a lawyer or something,” but instead stays home raising daughters because she really and truly wants to? Yes, very.

But mostly, I am okay. Really. Because today we checked out new books at the library, baked pumpkin cupcakes from scratch, and danced to some of our favorite songs. My oldest asked me to call her “Fairy Princess” all day and fully believes she is as strong and magical as one, and my youngest is getting faster and more giggly every time we play chase. I get to watch them learn and hold them while they sleep and feel every bit of it, and it is better than I ever thought it could be.