“Reed, Reed, Reed. Can you look at me, baby?”

I lie you down on your right side on the bed and crouch in front of you. You have just convulsed in my arms. This is completely new to me, but I am calm. I unzip your red jammies and move my hands from your head to your belly as your body starts to heat up. You begin to moan and your eyes open and close, focusing on nothing. A febrile seizure. You’ve never had one, and neither has your sister, but I’ve read about them.

”Daniel! I think she’s having a seizure!” I cry out from the bedroom and your Dada comes running in with his phone, ready to search symptoms. You meet the description of a simple febrile seizure perfectly, and I continue talking to you as you eventually wake up, exhausted from what has just happened.

I stay up with you all night, monitoring and noting every movement. You nurse and I pray and kiss your head, and then pray and kiss your head again.



You arrange your collection of yoga blocks into a mini stage in the middle of the studio floor.

“Look, I am doing yoga! Tree pose—balance on my right leg! Now my left leg!”

I am photographing a community event at Yoga Deza, and you and your sister are tagging along and entertaining everyone for free. She is asleep against my chest in the carrier, and you are doing your best to share your energy quietly.

”Ahhh, I worked hard. Now I will rest.”

You scoot your platform closer to my feet and lie down on your back with a proud grin on your face. You look up at me for approval before closing your eyes.



“I got it, Mama! I will push the cart.”

You let out a loud squeal of pure joy as your sister leans in and shoves you forward with both arms and all of her might. The older man we are sharing the Whole Foods aisle with smiles, as do I. You girls are contagious in that way.

”’Gain, ‘gain, ‘gain!” Just moments ago, when I was steering, you were begging to get out. But you are absolutely thrilled to be Edie’s passenger. I stop scanning the prices on Coconut Aminos and tell myself to mentally collect this memory so I can look back on it later. You are both giggling now, your feet kicking wildly as she tries to slow you down before plowing the cart into a shelf of crackers.

This is a snippet in time I feel myself loving that I am not in control. I couldn’t have created it if I tried.